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Clerical limericks
On the bridgemore_vert

Here was a bishop of duckingham

Who stood on the bridge at buckingham

Watching the stunts of the cunts

In the punts

And the tricks of the pricks that were fucking em


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After Teamore_vert

The vicar was tempted to flee

When the Bishop’s wife said after tea,

"Oh Reverend Morgan

Do show me your organ!

It’s something I’m dying to see."


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That Abbottmore_vert

Said the bishop one day to the abbott,

Whose instincts were just like a rabbit:

'I know it's great fun

To embrace a young nun

But you mustn't get into the habit.'


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Minister's daughtermore_vert

There was once a Minister's daughter,

Who didn't like the pony he bought her,

'til she found that its dong

Was as hard and as long

As the prayers that her father had taught her.


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The bishop toomore_vert

From the depth of the crypt of Saint Gilles,

Came a yell that resounded for miles.

Said the priest: "goodness gracious,

Did brother ignatious,

Forget that the bishop hath piles?"


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Good advicemore_vert

There was a gay bishop of Reading

Who gave good advice at a wedding;

He said "you will find

If you go from behind,

It makes less of mess on the bedding!"


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An abbot of Brittanymore_vert

There once was an abbot of Brittany

Who chanted this desolate litany:

"If Christ is the source

Of Divine intercourse,

How come I don't ever gitany."


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Kiss my posteriormore_vert

Said the cardinal to mother superior

" Your singing is just inferior,"

She, not to be crass,

Replied with some class;

"You can bloody well kiss my posterior."


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Garden of Edenmore_vert

In the garden of Eden sat Adam,

Massaging the bust of his madam,

He chuckled with mirth,

For he knew that on earth,

There were only two boobs and he had ‘em.


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The bishop of Chichestermore_vert

A pious young lady of Chichester

Made all the pale saints in their niches stir.

And each morning at matin

Her breast in pink satin

Made the bishop of Chichester's breeches stir.


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Oh daddymore_vert

A pious young minister’s pappy

Had a sex life, diverse, hot, and snappy.

It shocked his dear son

When he had all that fun,

But it made girl parishioners happy.


by Isaac Asimov


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All blessings came from Godmore_vert

There once was a girl from Cape Cod

Who thought all blessings came from God

But it weren't the Almighty

Who lifted her nighty

It was Roger the lodger by God.


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Poked by a Quakermore_vert

There was a young damsel named Baker,

Who was poked in a pew by a Quaker,

He yelled, "My God! What,

Do you call that -- a twat?

Why is the entrance more that an acre!"


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The vicar of Santo Domingomore_vert

The vicar of Santo Domingo

Said to the curate: "By jingo!

Blast women and boys,

I need some joys!"

And he promptly fucked a flamingo.


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A young rabbi from Perumore_vert

There was a young rabbi from Peru

Who was vainly trying to screw.

His wife said: "Oh vey,

If you keep up this way

The Messiah will come before I do."


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A priest from Maroccomore_vert

There once was a priest from Morocco,

Whose motto was really quite macho.

He said, to be blunt,

"God decreed we eat cunt!

Why else would it look like a taco?”


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The Bishop of Birminghammore_vert

They say of the Bishop of Birmingham,

That he screws little boys while confirming them,

They kneel on the cassock,

He lifts his hassock,

And pumps his episcopal sperm in them.


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The Bishop of Japanmore_vert

The Bishop of central Japan,

Used to bugger himself with a fan.

And when taxed with these acts,

He replied ‘it contracts,

And expands rather more than a man’.


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The Old Testamentmore_vert

God’s plan made a sporting beginning,

Till Eve spoilt his chances by sinning,

We trust that the story,

Will end with God’s glory,

But at present the other side’s winning.


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The Dean of Hong Kongmore_vert

The Anglican Dean of Hong Kong

Has a thing that is twelve inches long,

And he thinks that the waiters,

Are admiring his gaiters,

when he goes to the loo. But he’s wrong.


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A young lady from Kewmore_vert

There was a young lady from Kew,

Who said as the bishop withdrew.

The vicar is thicker, harder,

And wider,

And also four inches longer than you.


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The Bishop of Londonmore_vert

A vice both obscene and unsavory

Holds the Bishop of London in slavery,

With lascivious howls,

He deflowers young owls,

That he lures to an underground aviary.


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A priest of Kingsmore_vert

There was a young priest of Kings

Who's mind was upon higher things.

But his true heart's desire,

Was a boy in the choir,

With an ass like a jelly on springs.


by Christopher Hitchens


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A monk from Dundeemore_vert

A lascivious monk from Dundee,

Buggered a nun under a tree,

While deep in her ass,

He chanted High Mass,

And even the Pope came to see.


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