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Pedagogic limericks
Conquer allmore_vert

Learned lady whom you may call Tess

Used to murmur: "It's all but a mess.

Love does not vincit omnia,

Which results in insomnia,

Every rule's to be proved, none the less."


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Thanks Limerickmore_vert

All hail to the town of Limerick

Which provides a cognomen, generic,

For a species of verse

Which for better or worse,

Is supported by layman and cleric.


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Heavenly vowelsmore_vert

Take two thousand one ninety seven,

Find cuberoot and add to eleven.

Now divide this by eight,

And get almost by fate

The number of vowels in "heaven".


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Y2Kmore_vert

There once was a scare Y2K,

We worried with it every day.

Time Square's ball did drop,

Y2K was a flop,

We all jumped and shouted "Hooray!"


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Drinking ginmore_vert

There was once was a girl who drank gin.

That isn’t too bad to begin,

But reiteration

Shows a high correlation

With behavioral lapses called sin.


by Isaac Asimov


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422BCmore_vert

An amateur driving too fast

from his car to the roadway was cast;

And a friend kindly said

As he bandaged his head-

Mr Cobler stick to your last


by Aristophanes


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Roman Catholic Breviarymore_vert

Sit vitiorum meorum evacuatio

Concupiscentae et libidinis exterminatio,

Caritatis et patientiae,

Humilitatis et obedientiae,

Omniumque virtutum augmentatio.


by Thomas Aquinas


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On Dickensmore_vert

In anything written by Dickens,

It's certain the plot always thickens;

With characters, themes

And digressions it teems;

As for sex, though, it's mighty slim pickin's.


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Time flows backwardmore_vert

Hawking, who makes my head spin,

Says time may flow backward, I grin,

Imagining the surprise

In my mother's eyes

When I head for the womb once again!


by Michael Ray Burch


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A mathematical onemore_vert

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Is nine squared and not a bit more.


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Cosmological constantmore_vert

Einstein, the frizzy-haired,

Said E equals MC squared.

Thus all mass decreases,

As activity ceases?

Not my mass, my ass declared!


by Michael Ray Burch


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Reverse limerickmore_vert

This limerick goes in reverse,

Unless I’m remiss,

The neat thing is this:

If you start from the bottom-most verse,

This limerick’s not any worse.


by Zach Weiner


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Othello, Act II, Scene IIImore_vert

And let me the canakin clink, clink.

And let me the canakin clink.

A soldier’s a man.

A life’s but a span.

Why, then, let a soldier drink.


by William Shakespeare


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A tongue twistermore_vert

The bottle of scent Willie sent,

Was quite displeasing to Millicent.

Her thanks were so cold,

That they quarreled, I'm told,

'Bout that silly scent Willie sent Millicent.”


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On Bill Clintonmore_vert

The president's loud protestation,

At his fall for the intern's temptation;

"This affair is moral,

As long as it's oral,

Straight screwing I save the nation."


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A cynical Leomore_vert

Said a fool whose mind was quite miniscule,

As his ignorance reached a new pinnacle,

"I don't believe in astrology,

It's my ideology,

But I'm a Leo and Leo's are cynical.


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Russian Revolutionmore_vert

There once was a Marxist named Lenin,

Who did two or three million men in,

That's a lot to have done in,

But where he did one in,

That old bastard Stalin did ten in.


by Robert Conquest


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Seven ages of manmore_vert

Seven Ages: first puking and mewling

Then very pissed-off with your schooling,

Then fucks and then fights,

Next judging chaps’ rights,

Then sitting in slippers: then drooling.


by Robert Conquest


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Predestination in Calvinismmore_vert

There was a man who said dam,

It is born upon me, I am

A creature that moves,

In predestinate grooves,

I'm not even a bus I'm a tram


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